The storm approaches… The giant is gone…

Yesterday amid a thick mass of humid dense air the weather created some amazing clouds. The evening closed in and the air became almost unbreathable..

Then in the early hours of the morning the heaven ruptured and down came the rain.  By daybreak it was running like a series of chaotic river and the temperature had dropped significantly.

As I looked out the kitchen window at the leaves and tree debri racing by in the current I reflected on the Giants love of this weather. He would don a rain jacket and head out with spade in hand to redirect the flow of water. Ensuring that no major erosion occurred on his watch.

 

Now i I watch from the window and reflect on how much of my life has washed away on the current since the giant passed away. I miss his ingenuity and inventiveness. I miss his laughter and madness. But most of all I miss the love he gave me. The security of knowing he loved me. The smell of his skin next to mine.

Like the weather life can change in an instant and we are left standing, waiting,questioning everything.

 

The one thing I know for sure is I wouldn’t change a single thing about the life we shared. I just wish it had continued on forever.

Till next we meet my heart lies waiting..

 

Feeling the healing powers of walking in the ocean..

Some days getting out of bed is difficult. My mind is so full of thoughts about so many things. Mostly about how I find myself in this space at this time of my life.

I look back and see my life so far has been a huge adventure filled with wonder, fear, love, loss and change. All of these elements have contributed to making me who I am today. I feel peaceful about that. Peaceful in the knowledge that I am doing the best I can and that I have hope for the future what ever it may hold.

So when I don’t want to get up I think about moments on the beach when my feet are in the ocean and my dreams and aspirations begin to flow. When the movement of the water across my skin draws the pain and anguish from deep inside me slowing my breathing and allowing me to be still. When the stillness allows my heart to open.

The taste of salty air on my lips makes my tongue involuntarily run across them causing me to smile. As does the sight of my furry companion Sasha chasing seagulls and throwing random bits of seaweed in the air. Sasha loves the beach and makes each of our visits there an adventure.

My spirit is recharged as my toes feel the sand beneath them and we walk. Early mornings have a way of slowly warming you and at the same time healing you as the light of the break of day dances on the water. The warmth of the rising sun soaks deep into the parts of you that need to be set free as if it is a magic key to the lock on the sacred space deep inside.

For these gifts, and so much more, I feel blessed. Blessed to be here in this space, blessed to be feeling all that I am in this moment, blessed to have found my way to the magic, blessed for the fellow travellers on life’s road that smile my way.

 

Lights beach Jan 8B

The beauty of early morning light.

There is something amazing about the early morning light on the beach. Peaceful and serene. It is the place that grounds me and clears my mind of all that would drift in to distract me. Breathing deeply I soak in the serenity. I am grateful for this blessing in my life and for all of natures gifts rich and rare.

 

Lights Beach Jan 8ALights beach Jan 8B

What a difference a day makes.

Nov 4b

Early morning light has a way of seeping through the cracks in your personal mask and soaking deep into your soul. Then it pools and warms you from the inside out. What a gift from the universe. We orbit this huge ball of fire and yet we take it for granted or worry that it will burn us up as we destroy the protective layer around us.

Yet at 5am in the stillness and the peace of the beach it takes on a whole new persona. Gently it takes some of our aching parts and, if you let it, starts healing the deep aches within.

I have said it before but it wont hurt to say it again… Feet on the sand in the sea in the soft morning light is the best medicine for everything.  YES, everything looks a little clearer, feels a little gentler. The internal noise volume goes down.

So today people allow the soft light of this new day to soak in no matter where you are. And remember you are not alone. We are all riding this beautiful orb as it travels through space and time.

Be kind to each other. Peace and light Ali xx

The line in the sand…

Nov 3b

I am drawing a line in the sand I said….

Have been saying that a bit lately. I was drawing it somewhere between commitment to my projects and exhaustion!! In my head it was just before the point where the energy stops.

But it just kept moving…

What I didn’t realise was that the sand vampire was silently draining the sand from beneath my feet so the line kept moving.

It wasn’t till I was standing on the beach this morning at sunrise that I realised that this imaginary line served no real purpose and I was left floundering, wondering about everything including my worth.

As I stood there above the tide line in the dry sand the slightest movement of my body made the sand beneath my feet move. Just the sheer act of standing still and breathing still caused the tiny grains to shift beneath my feet. As I moved into the reach of the waves the sand was drawn away quickly each time a wave slipped back into the sea. Interesting.

Sometimes it is in those quiet moments that you get it and I got it this morning.

I had been questioning, challenging and excusing myself and everyone else struggling to understand how I found myself in this place, a place where I seemed to have forgotten that I am myself valuable.

Nov 3a

So I moved on toward the rock ledge and at the same time dug deep inside myself to find my inner rock, the stone the edge on which to curl my toes and stand fast. It was in that moment that my clarity of mind arrived allowing me to reassess the situation and stand firm knowing that the line in the sand had now given way to a solid rock of decision.

Time to move forward focusing on the goals that my heart, mind and soul know have value.

So here I am reaching for the stars beyond the reach of the sand vampires. Feeling recharged and ready for the decisions that need to be made.

May you each find clarity in your heart, mind and soul.

Peace and light Ali xxx

November 1 is here…. and the sea is calling my name.

November 1 2015 how did we find ourselves here..

The year has slipped by, time does that when you are not paying attention. It has been a time of events that make me reflect on my mortality. My Dad, who has been my trail blazer, has stumbled this year. Several strokes, heart attack and now more strokes. He is still with us but time now seems to have taken on a new meaning. Fleeting at best. He is his funny storytelling self yet other parts of him seem to be slowing to an almost halt. Time to record some of those epic tales as it will be like capturing a piece of him for ever.

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He taught us all to love the sea. Lights beach was calling my name this morning and for the first time in a while I felt the need to go and walk. To feel the sand beneath my feet and breathe in the salty air that grounds us and stills my racing mind.

Nov 1

Sea water has a way of sucking out the stress and filling you with a clarity of thought. 5:30am delivers a quiet where few venture onto the beach. Those who do are rewarded with intangible gifts to the soul.

May we all reflect on what is important and what brings us back to being true to ourselves.

Peace and Light.. Ali xxx

My heart is broken but my precious Riley is at rest.

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There have been lots of tears over the last couple of days and I am sure I will shed more before the night is out.

At just after 3pm today my beloved buddy, companion, partner in crime, Riley crossed the rainbow bridge to the other side.

My heart is broken..

Three days ago he was a little unwell so we headed off to the vet..  I thought that he had a bit of bone stuck in his throat. Being a typical golden retriever he vacuumed food rather than chewing it so I just assumed that something had got caught.

Claudia took some bloods and nothing untoward showed up but the rise in temperature and weight loss could not be explained either. So after a couple of shots to bring his temp down we came home and waited to see if it cleared.

Yesterday morning I took Riley back and the temperature was still bubbling so we decided to do some scans to see if he had eaten something at the beach…. Looking for dead fish or some other equally smelly treat that a retriever would love…

It was after lunch when the receptionist called and said I needed to come at 4;30 for a sit down chat with Claudia… Not a good sign.

4:30pm came with and earth shattering discovery. Riley had a huge mass in his stomach, no sign of his liver and about 1/3 lung capacity. Claudia said to me ‘I need to explain how cancer works”  “no you don’t” I replied. What I was looking at on screen was a doggy version of what I had seen before that time it was equally earth shattering!!

We came home with some meds and decisions to make… Sleep was elusive and my heart was aching so deeply I felt hollow inside.

In the end decisions make themselves if you give them time…. One night of watching my best furry friend struggle to get comfortable and struggle to breath was enough.

So today was all about Riley… Levi gave him some love this morning. Fin came and gave my precious puppy some Reiki  then Tan came and shot a series of beautiful photos. Then it was just Riley and me.. curled up talking about beach walks and all the adventures we have had. There were pats and hugs from Aimee, Chelsea and Julie.

Then it was time.

Just after 3pm Claudia, a nurse and I sat on the floor and snuggled with Riley as the green dream gave him the wings to fly over the rainbow bridge to the place where his spirit will run free.

I will be forever grateful for the love of this precious soul who was with me through the thick and thin of over 7 years.

Run free my angel.

We will get to do one last walk together when I scatter your ashes on your favourite beach….

Thank you for blessing me will love, companionship, tenderness, playfulness and joy… My cup has runneth over..

Peace and light Ali xxx