And the universe says….10 July 2017

Its a cold grey day here in Darlington but as i look out from my kitchen window i see abundant life. Tiny little finches with splashes of red are dancing amid the sunshine yellow blossums of the wattle. Speedy little souls who defy my attempts to capture them on film! The breeze has that edge to it that finds a way to penetrated the layers haphazardly thrown on for warmth. The embers of lasts njghts fire almost imperceptably lingering amid the ashes.
In 23 days time i will depart this house one last time and head out into the wide blue yonder with undefined expectations. I am both nervous and excited at all the possibilities that lie before me. I feel both humbled and immensely grateful for all my life experiences thus far and am moving forward with an open heart to wherever the road takes me.
To those of you who have walked a while with me on my life journey thus far i say thank you. All of you have blessed my life in a myriad of ways that neither you or i could have envisaged when we met. It has been a glorious journey filled with blinding light, unfathomable darkness and tints of every hue in between. Every shade and colour adding to the palate of my life experience.
Based on this lived experience i stride forward knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are emotions still waiting to be experienced, colours still waiting to be seen for the first time, breezes still reaching out like tendrils waiting to touch my skin. Strange new places to visit, curious people to meet, connections to be made, life to live.
So as i prepare to dive in to this new adventure i remind myself to breathe deeply, step forward and listen to what the universe says…


Peace and light.

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Feeling the healing powers of walking in the ocean..

Some days getting out of bed is difficult. My mind is so full of thoughts about so many things. Mostly about how I find myself in this space at this time of my life.

I look back and see my life so far has been a huge adventure filled with wonder, fear, love, loss and change. All of these elements have contributed to making me who I am today. I feel peaceful about that. Peaceful in the knowledge that I am doing the best I can and that I have hope for the future what ever it may hold.

So when I don’t want to get up I think about moments on the beach when my feet are in the ocean and my dreams and aspirations begin to flow. When the movement of the water across my skin draws the pain and anguish from deep inside me slowing my breathing and allowing me to be still. When the stillness allows my heart to open.

The taste of salty air on my lips makes my tongue involuntarily run across them causing me to smile. As does the sight of my furry companion Sasha chasing seagulls and throwing random bits of seaweed in the air. Sasha loves the beach and makes each of our visits there an adventure.

My spirit is recharged as my toes feel the sand beneath them and we walk. Early mornings have a way of slowly warming you and at the same time healing you as the light of the break of day dances on the water. The warmth of the rising sun soaks deep into the parts of you that need to be set free as if it is a magic key to the lock on the sacred space deep inside.

For these gifts, and so much more, I feel blessed. Blessed to be here in this space, blessed to be feeling all that I am in this moment, blessed to have found my way to the magic, blessed for the fellow travellers on life’s road that smile my way.

 

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The beauty of early morning light.

There is something amazing about the early morning light on the beach. Peaceful and serene. It is the place that grounds me and clears my mind of all that would drift in to distract me. Breathing deeply I soak in the serenity. I am grateful for this blessing in my life and for all of natures gifts rich and rare.

 

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My heart is broken but my precious Riley is at rest.

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There have been lots of tears over the last couple of days and I am sure I will shed more before the night is out.

At just after 3pm today my beloved buddy, companion, partner in crime, Riley crossed the rainbow bridge to the other side.

My heart is broken..

Three days ago he was a little unwell so we headed off to the vet..  I thought that he had a bit of bone stuck in his throat. Being a typical golden retriever he vacuumed food rather than chewing it so I just assumed that something had got caught.

Claudia took some bloods and nothing untoward showed up but the rise in temperature and weight loss could not be explained either. So after a couple of shots to bring his temp down we came home and waited to see if it cleared.

Yesterday morning I took Riley back and the temperature was still bubbling so we decided to do some scans to see if he had eaten something at the beach…. Looking for dead fish or some other equally smelly treat that a retriever would love…

It was after lunch when the receptionist called and said I needed to come at 4;30 for a sit down chat with Claudia… Not a good sign.

4:30pm came with and earth shattering discovery. Riley had a huge mass in his stomach, no sign of his liver and about 1/3 lung capacity. Claudia said to me ‘I need to explain how cancer works”  “no you don’t” I replied. What I was looking at on screen was a doggy version of what I had seen before that time it was equally earth shattering!!

We came home with some meds and decisions to make… Sleep was elusive and my heart was aching so deeply I felt hollow inside.

In the end decisions make themselves if you give them time…. One night of watching my best furry friend struggle to get comfortable and struggle to breath was enough.

So today was all about Riley… Levi gave him some love this morning. Fin came and gave my precious puppy some Reiki  then Tan came and shot a series of beautiful photos. Then it was just Riley and me.. curled up talking about beach walks and all the adventures we have had. There were pats and hugs from Aimee, Chelsea and Julie.

Then it was time.

Just after 3pm Claudia, a nurse and I sat on the floor and snuggled with Riley as the green dream gave him the wings to fly over the rainbow bridge to the place where his spirit will run free.

I will be forever grateful for the love of this precious soul who was with me through the thick and thin of over 7 years.

Run free my angel.

We will get to do one last walk together when I scatter your ashes on your favourite beach….

Thank you for blessing me will love, companionship, tenderness, playfulness and joy… My cup has runneth over..

Peace and light Ali xxx

Being followed by a black dog while trying to make today count.

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For a girl who was never a fan of dogs, till I got Riley, I seem to attract them to me.

The black one that was curled up on the mat met me as I exited the back door as if it had always been there. No matter what I did or said or thought it just wouldn’t leave. It followed me as if it owned me draining my energy and my resistance to seeing it.

Meanwhile Riley sat watching me. Day by day he just looked at me with his big eyes ever confident that I would turn my attention back to him. Yet for some inexplicable reason the black dog had me so distracted and detached.

On automatic I do the things that need doing and labour long and hard with the things that need more energy than I feel I have left to give. Still I keep putting one foot in front of the other facing the challenges even if it is somewhat daunting.

Today I awoke and made the decision that it was time to make today count. So I am doing everything with intent today. Getting up Riley looked at me with such expectation that I got dressed and we headed to the beach.

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We walked for the first time in a while and as I walked I tried to suck in all the energy that the pounding waves were spraying in my direction.

By the time I got home I felt the subtle shift in me. So I will continue to have move forward with intent. The black dog has moved off still just sitting in the periphery of my view but moving just the same.

So make today count people.  Love light and intent. Ali xx

Fog nestled in like a sleeping child.

Strange weather approaches from the north. As we await the fallout from tropical cyclone Olwyn the weather ahead of the storm was strangely calm this morning.

I awoke to a still warm morning with clear skies. As I headed out to the beach at 5;15am I was amazed to find that as I headed down into town the whole area was enveloped in an autumnal pea soup fog.

Like some old school scary movie visibility was very low so I moved with caution towards the coast. At the last line of dunes before the beach it cleared and the ocean came into view. Obviously the fog lay between Mt Shadforth and the sea nestled in between the two like a sleeping child.

I love these kinds of mornings for one special reason…

When you head down the beach there is a point of cliff way ahead of you where this fog rolls over the top and down out to sea. Just like the memories of dreams it dissipates slowly but surely. Watching it roll out is a gift of the early morning bestowed upon those of us that get up and get going this early.

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Life is filled with wonderful, surprising, breathtaking moments just like these and for that I am ever grateful.

May your weekend roll gently into a beautiful blessing.. Peace and light Ali xxx

Was that a hobbit I saw disappearing in the undergrowth.

I had an idea this week to go exploring and so it was that I headed out to a spot called Mt Franklin. When I parked my car I was the only person their so I followed the signs to the trail.

There is something really cathartic about being out in the old growth forest among the trees and the silence. Well not exactly silence, as the bird and creature sounds were awesome. The lower section of the climb has a sealed path that winds up and although it is steep it is quite beautiful. I was a little disappointed that the path was sealed but then I realised that it gives access to this spot that some people would never get to experience.

As I rounded the corner in the path I could see a resting station with benches and a sign…. The ascent to the summit is not for the foolhardy it said. There are over 300 steps to the top and if you suffer from illness, high blood pressure, heart condition this is not the climb for you.

Well there are 304 steps to the summit… I counted them all!!!

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But believe me when I say it was worth every pounding heartbeat. The view from the top was spectacular.

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The photos don’t really do it justice but it was a wonderful experience.

I sat atop the granite and breathed the air deeply. The cloud swirled around me as it flowed past. My apple, pistachio nuts and water tasted like a feast. There was do sign of civilisation in any direction. I felt grateful for the experience and to be up there by myself in the peace and calm of it all.

The steps were hard work on the way up but as daunting on the way down due to the steep ladder like sections.

When I got back to the resting station I realised that there was a sign for the Caldyanup Trail that circles the base of the summit. Not one to miss and opportunity I decided that was the way to go next.

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The path led me around the sheer granite on the one side and the old growth forest beneath my feet.

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The smell of the forest floor was amazing and the things growing there were beautiful in their right.

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Fallen trees created windows into the other world.

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Any moment I expected a small hobbit to appear on the trail if only to disappear into the undergrowth before my very eyes.

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At several points the track passed between two towering Karri Trees leaving me feeling small and quite insignificant.

I had set myself the challenge of climbing to the top and yet the day turned into so much more than that. I found myself singing as I wandered down the trail feeling a world away from the day to day things that we let direct our way of being.

Take time to be in nature as it will slow your heartbeat and make you breathe deeply the rare sweet air of another time.

Feeling blessed.

Peace and light Ali xxx